Today, we interview with one of the Ogres from the Plains west of Ridgecrest. I myself, am a ogre wizard. I also know of several others who are ogre fighters, barbarians or adventurers. The ogre is not the prettiest of races, but their brute strength makes them attractive, and I just wonder what it is like for our kindred in the field who usually aren't as intelligent as the rest of us to make it to wizhood.
I asked our friend to meet me at the Inn in town, where I have a room. I set the appointment for 3:30 pm, as I knew ogres get up late but spend the entire morning roaming the country and feeding. This goes right through lunch and ends with a huge digestive nap around 1:30 (the time was also insurance that I would not be eaten).
The ogre didn't show up at 3:30 and later, a constable told me why: The beast had gotten lost. He ended up at Hraf's where he shook the poor barkeep until he was given a snack (several flanks of cow). He was roaming the streets chasing down beggars when I finally decided to poof him to my inn room.
Q: Hello.
A: Hello.
Q: I see you've been busy in town.
A: Hello.
Q. Are you okay?
A. Hello.
(This ogre is a little slow.)
Q. Anybody home?
A. ...
(There is no answer, and he begins to sniff me. I will try speaking to him in ogreish).
Q. Shikhan! (The ogreish word for chieftan, also given when establishing dominance over other ogres. Sort of like saying "I'm your Prince," a crude translation. For humans, it would be more like a ten minute conversation establishing that one was from the higher social order. Notice the roots: she'kon. Probably butchered human of chieftan. Ogres have a hard time pronouncing ch and ft, and replaced it with sh and k. Some scholars also say the word puts together shiva (the bringer of doom) and khan (a persian king or lord). This is no doubt past the ability of the ogres but it also may have been created by someone else and given to the first Ogre Chieftan).
A. Naga! .. Naga. (No! pause -- no)
Q. Shikhan!!
A. Naga ? (no ?)
(At this point, I asked Rawdog for a translator).
Q. How are you? I say, how are you?
A. (giggles) Okay. You look funny.
Q. Oh, why is that?
A. What kind of ogre dresses himself up like a human? What is wrong with a good lion pelt?
Q. Well, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.
A. What?
Q. You know, Rome? Romans?
A. Huh! They taste good?
Q. Nevermind. So do you have a name?
A. Me Puddy.
Q. So what do you do in the normal day of an ogre.
A. Morning, eat, Noon, eat, Afternoon, sleep, Evening, snack. Unless war, then we kill, kill, kill, eat, eat, eat.
Q. So a major portion of your time goes to eating?
A. Food good! Hungry bad!
Q. You say that you've been in wars. Can you tell me about them.
A. Sometimes me and Muddy hired by hoomons (humans). They say come kill, eat. We pay. Sometimes they do. Sometimes we eat them. They so funny. They scream real loud when you bite their legs. Not much meat though. Dwarf meat better. More meat.
Q. So you eat Dwarves?
A. Sometimes. They hard to catch though *sigh* Run, hide in little holes and poke ogre with sticks *grrr* Humans catch easy.
Q. I imagine that gets you in trouble with the law.
A. Law? What that?
Q. So what was your best campaign?
A. We no camping! Ogre mound is home!
Q. No, campaign. Battle? Fight?
A. Oh! We fight Sank tary! Ogre Chieftan say "All come with us, fight!" Hundred hundred ogres go to big grassland. We surround hoomons and kill kill kill. Heehee. Fun day.
Q. So, as I take your life, its mostly eating, eating the other races and an occaisonal war, is that it ?
A. Ogre like female ogre too! We Shikhan of grass. We Shikhan!
Q. Fair enough. What will you do now? 5 o'clock?
A. Time for snack! Me hungry!! I smell dwarf! Where dwarf???
I figured at this point, it was time for Puddy to go back home. I used a poof because well, I knew he would make trouble in town again. So long, Puddy. Until we meet again.
